Sophie learned to cope with university stress despite family breakdown. “Hurt people, hurt people — and sometimes, understanding that is the first step to healing.”
A sudden goodbye
Sophie’s childhood felt happy and ordinary — until everything changed. “Up until 13, childhood was good. I don’t remember anything being abnormal. I had a happy childhood. I remember them arguing a bit and thinking, is this normal? But then kind of thinking, oh yeah, it is.”
She remembers the day her father left vividly. “It was Valentine’s Day. My parents went out for lunch, and my dad just confessed that he wasn’t coming home — that he was buying a yacht and going to sail around the world for five years.”
Her mum was blindsided. “He said, ‘I’m doing this,’ and my mum doesn’t like sailing, so she was like, ‘Right, so I’m not really involved in this plan, am I?’”
The moment everything shifted
That day remains etched in Sophie’s memory. “He cooked me dinner — which he’d never done before — poured me a glass of wine, and it was all very weird. It felt like he was celebrating something. We were having a really nice chat, and I actually felt like, after years of being an absentee dad, he was making an effort.”
But then came the shock. “He said, ‘I need to tell you something, but before I do, you can’t tell anyone.’ And then he told me he was in a relationship with another woman. I literally spat my drink out.”
Becoming the protector
After the separation, Sophie felt a sudden sense of responsibility. “I suddenly felt like I was the one who was going to be responsible for Mum.”
That sense of duty quickly turned into anxiety about the future. “It translated into a lot of career stress. I was super worried about the future, because all the financial stability I thought I had just disappeared. I no longer trusted my dad to be there for me — or for Mum.”
She channelled that fear into survival mode. “It made me panic. I thought, right, I need to get a job straight out of university so I can have a roof over my head — and over Mum’s head too.”
Fear of the future
The shock and uncertainty left Sophie terrified of growing up. “It really scared me. I was dreading the future. I got to a point where I was like, I don’t want to grow up, I don’t want to leave university. I was afraid of not being able to provide.”
The emotional pain ran deep. “For about a year, I absolutely hated his guts. I didn’t want to spend a minute with him. I felt so betrayed — like the trust was completely gone. I didn’t really know who I was looking at anymore.”
Learning to see her dad differently
Over time, Sophie began to process the loss of who she thought her father was. “It was a massive change — coming to terms with the fact that he wasn’t this idealistic person I thought he was. My whole centre of gravity had shifted.”
She found a new kind of understanding through empathy. “Talking to him helped me understand why he is the way he is. I started to see him as a person — someone who’s suffered trauma in his own life and hasn’t addressed it, and it’s therefore manifested later down the line.”
A piece of advice helped her reframe everything. “My godfather said, ‘Hurt people, hurt people.’ I didn’t see that at first, but then it made a lot of sense.”
Acceptance, not forgiveness
Sophie and her father have reached a more peaceful place. “We’re at a good stage now. By no means have I forgiven him — I’ve just accepted it.”
That acceptance has brought calm and perspective. “You have to ask yourself — are you going to be miserable about this more, or are you going to enjoy what you have in front of you and realise how lucky you are?”
Choosing gratitude and balance
Gratitude became Sophie’s anchor. “I started jotting down all the things I’m grateful for, and you realise that this big, knotted problem you think is your whole world is actually just a tiny part of it. Push that to one side and focus on the good bits.”She’s also learned to be gentler with herself. “I should have been kinder to myself. If you do a little bit here and there, it will work itself out — instead of thinking it’s this huge mountain you’ll never be able to climb.”