Grace speaks about how she has dealt with difficult feelings since her parents separated. “You’re missing somebody double time — who they were, and who you thought they were.”
When everything changed
Grace was 18 when her parents separated and 19 when they officially divorced. “I remember my mum sitting me and my twin sister down in the living room, and we kind of had a serious conversation about all that had happened. My mum just went, ‘Okay, that’s the final straw. I’m going to divorce him.’”
The moment felt heavy and surreal. “I think I felt a little bit helpless, a little bit numb. Not guilt exactly, but very much like, is there anything I could have done to stop that from happening? Not great feelings — but maybe a bit of relief at the same time.”
Holidays without the head of the table
The separation brought visible changes to everyday family life. “The biggest physical change was Christmas, Easter, birthdays. Suddenly, it was like — that empty chair, you know, the head of the table not there anymore. Nothing felt right.”
She remembers how painful those first months were. “I just remember crying the whole of our first Christmas because it had only been about three months since I’d been living away from home — missing someone’s presence that’s been there your whole life.”
It wasn’t just absence she grieved — it was identity. “Suddenly everything’s changed, and also they’re not the person you thought they were, so you’re missing somebody double time. It’s grief — multilayered grief.”
Learning to face the grief
Grace came to realise that grief from separation isn’t linear. “You can say, ‘time will heal,’ but I genuinely think if you don’t deal with it — ask the questions, feel the pain — you don’t move forward. You have to face the grief.”
Avoiding it only delayed the healing. “There were times where I’d push it away, box it up, tell myself I’ll deal with it another time. Even the unforgiveness — I’d think, well, if I just don’t talk to him, then I won’t have to deal with forgiving him. But that doesn’t work — it just builds up.”
Finding light through movement
Grace discovered that dancing helped her process emotions. “Dancing is really helpful. Get your stress out of your system, put the music on, run around, be like a child again.”
When the atmosphere at home felt dark, movement helped her reconnect with joy. “The shift for both parents just became very dark — like a big cloud hanging over the whole family. Dancing helped release that heaviness.”
She learned that it’s possible to have good days even in pain. “It’s weird — I actually don’t think I was depressed. I was having the time of my life, doing an internship I loved. But then I’d cry into my pillow at night. Life doesn’t go on pause — the highs and lows just coexist.”
Moments of reconnection
Over time, her family found ways to reconnect. “We’ve since had an evening all together where we watched some family videos, which was really special. We were able to behave like a family, which was incredible. I would never have thought that was possible.”
Even though it’s not regular, those moments remind her that love remains. “It’s not a regular thing, but you love that feeling of family and togetherness. It reminds me of the impossibility and finality of them breaking up — and that makes me sad.”
Letting go of needing the full story
Grace has learned to stop searching for perfect answers. “I kind of care less about what exactly happened. I’m not going to get the full story, and that’s got to be okay with me — because I’d waste my life trying to dig for a truth that doesn’t really exist.”
She recognises that everyone’s perspective is different. “I don’t think anyone actually knows, because perspectives are so different.”
Learning to trust again
Trust hasn’t been easy to rebuild. “I find it hard to trust people because I’ve seen what it looks like for someone to tell you they love you — and then their actions don’t align with that. It’s made me scared that other people will do the same.”
That fear seeps into relationships. “I’m more insecure in my friendships and relationships, because saying ‘I love you’ and giving all the cuddles doesn’t necessarily mean they’re loving you. It’s scary knowing someone who loves you so much can mess up so bad.”
But she’s working to find balance. “I want to get better at trusting people — but I also want to be wise.”
Her message to others
Grace encourages others not to face family breakdown alone. “Don’t try and go through it on your own or pretend like everything’s fine. Divorce sounds like a small thing to people who haven’t been through it — but it’s not.”
She shares what’s helped her heal. “Get the journal out, talk about it, get it out of your system — then do something fun and active. Let the stress leave your body.”
Movement became her therapy. “Even if I was sad, I’d put on the music and have a proper dance party. It would put me in a completely different mindset.”
And finally, she credits Your Direction for giving her space to connect. “Your Direction was incredible — hearing others share experiences validated everything I’d felt. Things I didn’t even have a name for, someone else would bring up, and I’d think, ‘Oh my gosh, you get it.’ There’s so much connection there.”