Your Voice Matters

Going through your parents’ separation can bring up a mix of emotions, and figuring out how to express yourself isn’t always easy. Many people find themselves navigating between holding back and speaking up, learning what works along the way. Watch the video above to hear what different people have experienced when their parents separated.

Express Your Feelings

Some, like Sophie, started out with a “rhino” approach — reacting instinctively with anger or frustration. “I definitely was Rhino with my dad, my first instinct was to shout and scream and tell him that he’s an idiot.” she says. “That was just my instinct. In hindsight, probably wasn’t the best approach.” Others, like Michael, found themselves too timid at times. “There was times where I had been a hedgehog when I should have been a rhino” he reflects. “I was more timid and I wasn’t bold enough to say what I should have said”

You Don’t Have To Act Tough

It’s also common to put on a tough exterior, as Zara did. “I think, as a kid, I was definitely acting like I was this tough, like a human, that was unbreakable, ” she admits. “I wish I had spoken sooner and actually spoken to my mum, because my mum was willing to hear anything on my mind” Similarly, Liam shares how he sometimes avoids difficult conversations altogether, waiting until he can control the timing and the outcome — something that’s not always possible. “I avoid putting myself in those difficult situations. And then when I do have to have those conversations, I avoid difficult answers. And then if I want to at a later date, bring it back up. I want to do. I want it all to be on my terms, which I get you can’t always do.

Speak Up

Learning to communicate effectively is key. It is important not to let what other people might think stop you from speaking out.  Monique explains, “I would often think, What would other people think? Growing up, I realised it doesn’t really matter. People are going through their own lives anyway. So speak up and talk about things. Don’t be afraid to share, because you’ll never really know what you learn from other people too.” Communication isn’t just about talking — it’s about advocating for yourself, as another speaker puts it, and making sure your voice is heard. “Communication, that is probably the main thing to learn, to to advocate for myself.”

Try Out A Conversation, See How it Goes

Kevin encourages others to just try talking to their parents because you never know what the outcome will be. It could really help you get what you need. He says “Just try and speak to your parents, see what happened and take it in.”

Talk to Friends & People You Trust

Support from friends can make a big difference. Just because you are talking about how you feel about your parents separation doesn’t mean it has to define you. Sophie says, “I think surrounding myself with friends who kind of get that and laugh along with me and let me express myself, but not making me feel like the spotlight suddenly on me and I’m just this fragile person who’s gone through this awful thing.” Being open, honest, and brave about your feelings is crucial. Arthur encourages, “Don’t be scared to share how you feel.”

Try Different Ways To Express Yourself

There are many ways to express yourself. Arthur points out that it doesn’t have to be a conversation with a parent or adult — it can be journaling, drawing, talking to a friend, or even seeing a therapist. “You need to share how you’re feeling in some sort of way, whether it’s going to a therapist, or talking to your family about it, or talking to a friend about it, or journaling about it, or drawing a picture about it, or releasing that emotion in some sort of way. It needs to happen, and it’s going to happen whether you want it to or not, and the longer you wait, the more difficult and complicated it becomes.” he says. Eleana adds, “Find someone to talk to, never let emotions or feelings or thoughts fester inside of you, because you’re just hurting yourself, ultimately, and finding someone to speak to, whether that’s a friend, whether that’s a therapist, whether that’s a sibling, whether that’s a partner, it doesn’t actually matter who it is, is so important, because once something is out there, no matter how nasty It might sound, what you’re feeling towards someone, it’s out there, and it’s out of your system and body, and it can’t eat away at you anymore. So just free yourself of thought and feeling within a trusted environment and and trust that once it’s out, it’ll also then continue to evolve and do something else” 

Don’t Let Your Feelings Build Up

Ultimately, speaking up is about taking care of yourself. Whether it’s through conversation, creative expression, or seeking guidance, expressing what you feel is a step toward understanding and healing. It might feel scary at first, but opening up — even just a little — can make a huge difference.