Kevin describes how it is possible to overcome bad choices our parents and we have made in life. “If my dad hadn’t left, I’d never have gone down the wrong path. But now I use that lesson to guide my brothers — and my own kids.”
When his dad left
Kevin remembers when things began to change at home. “My parents didn’t really argue much when I was younger, but when I was about 10 or 11, I saw more arguing. My dad left when I was about 12.”
Life shifted quickly for his mum and four sons. “There’s four of us, so it was a tough kind of challenge — to raise four boys.”
At first, Kevin thought his dad’s absence meant freedom. “I thought, because my dad was more strict, I’d have more freedom. But that freedom led to the wrong path, if you understand what I mean.”
Confused between freedom and loss
Being without his dad was disorienting. “I was young, more freedom, my dad’s not on my mind. My mum, she’s there, but you’re kind of by yourself, innit? Sad to say.”
Sometimes his dad would appear briefly. “He’d come and go. He might steal some food from the fridge, my mum would cook it for him. He’d come and talk to us or discipline us if we were being naughty — but then he’d be gone again. Sometimes we wouldn’t see him for six months.”
Understanding what was missing
Looking back, Kevin sees how much that absence shaped him. “If I look at it now, it would have been good for my dad to have stayed, because I’d never have gone down the life of crime. I didn’t have that male figure there. I was looking at people from the street as male figures.”
He realises the discipline he resisted as a child might have saved him. “At that time, I didn’t like my dad’s discipline. But now I think that discipline could have shown me the right path. I could’ve been more successful at this age — more focused.”
Becoming the role model
Kevin made sure his younger brothers had what he didn’t. “I’ve got three little brothers, so I kind of guided them. They’ve never been in prison, never been arrested, because I kept them on the right path.”
He’s proud of the difference he made. “They’ve got good jobs, graduated from uni. I didn’t graduate — I got kicked out of college — but I still kept them straight. That’s something I’m proud of.”
Seeing the bigger picture
Growing up on a council estate, Kevin thought single-parent homes were normal. “You see a lot of single parents, so I felt like this was kind of normal — but it’s not. It’s not good.”
He knows now how much stability matters. “When I look at my mates, a lot of them don’t have dads, and I think that’s why a lot of us are lost — we didn’t have that proper guidance.”
How it shaped his relationships
The experience still affects him today. “It’s impacted my relationships — not in a good way. I’ve seen that you can raise kids without two parents being together, which maybe gave me that mentality. But I know it’s better to have both parents.”
He tries to do things differently with his own children. “I’ve got three kids — two with one woman and one with another. Even though I’m not with one of them, I still spend time with all my kids. Their mums and I are still friends. Everything’s good.”
Turning pain into purpose
Kevin reflects on how his childhood drives him to be a better parent. “It affected me mentally — not depression, but sadness — not seeing your parents together, especially knowing they came all the way from Africa together.”
That sadness became motivation. “It makes me more positive, to make sure I keep my family in unity. That’s what drives me.”
He’s intentional about creating a healthy environment for his kids. “Don’t let them be bored. Take them to classes, let them enjoy the outdoors — riding bikes, going to parks. When I was growing up, we were outside. Now kids are just on their phones. I want better for them.”
Knowing the value of family
Kevin sees the difference family unity can make. “I’ve got friends my age who never saw drugs, never got in trouble. Their parents were together — they’ve got a house, a mortgage, a big car. It shows how when parents are together, it helps a child.”