Amara talks about the peace she has founf from breaking family cycles of toxic behaviour “Knowing that you’re worthy of love, that you can heal, and that there is hope.”
Living in conflict from a young age
Amara’s parents’ separation happened later in life, but the roots of conflict ran deep. “The actual separation, with my dad moving to a different country, happened when I was in my later 20s, but the periods of conflict were there from childhood, and I have very vivid memories of that conflict from a very young age.”
She remembers how her family kept up appearances for years. “I think we were playing Happy Families for a long time, because people didn’t realise how dysfunctional things were. We’d kind of set ourselves up to contain one another.”
The invisible weight of trauma
Even as an adult, the emotional impact lingered. “For so many years, I was able to survive. Where I struggled was at university onwards, when that independence and ‘you’re now an adult’ label gets stuck onto you — people assume you have the resilience to carry on despite what’s going on.”
She reflects on how little people understood the depth of her experience. “What was really underestimated was the impact of psychological trauma, emotional trauma, and also a lot of the economic abuse that we went through as children. I never recognised it myself because it was so normalised.”
The effects ran deep. “It absolutely affected me on an emotional, spiritual, and physical level. It was very penetrative.”
Witnessing pain and betrayal
One of the hardest parts was seeing her father mistreat her mother. “What was also really difficult for me was watching someone who I know be unfaithful, treat my mom really badly, and treat us really badly. That was incredibly traumatising.”
Those memories shaped her understanding of relationships for years to come.
Choosing empowerment and healing
Amara began to rebuild by taking responsibility for her own wellbeing. “Recognising our own role in what is happening and empowering ourselves to make the shift towards health and wellbeing has to come from ourselves.”
She learned that healing meant accountability and compassion. “Empowering ourselves and staying accountable for our behaviours, our actions, our feelings — that’s a really important step. That was what kind of helped me.”Now, she has found peace and stability. “I have so much emotional and physical safety right now — and peace. Me and my partner have that together.”
Rebuilding relationships and setting boundaries
As she healed, Amara started to open up to connections that once felt impossible. “I’m now able to explore relationships with other people that I couldn’t before because of the dysfunction in my family.”
It hasn’t been easy, and she’s had to make hard choices. “There has also been loss because some people don’t understand the decisions I’ve made or the boundaries that I have. Anyone not seeking to understand what I’m experiencing — I just don’t invest any time or energy in.”
But with that came new connections and gratitude. “I’ve gained relationships with people I wasn’t able to engage with before, and I’m so grateful for that. I feel like I’m in a really autonomous place — a free one, a safe one, and a peaceful one.”
Holding gratitude while letting go
Amara doesn’t feel resentment — only clarity. “The gratitude that I have for my parents and everything they have done, and the good things they did do, is really important for me.”
People often misunderstand that balance. “When I tell them I’m not in contact with my parents, their assumption is I’m resentful or angry. But I don’t have anything to forgive my parents for — that’s not the reason I’m not in contact with them. It really confuses people.”
For her, gratitude doesn’t mean endurance. “Being grateful doesn’t mean just continuing to endure things. Holding gratitude, and speaking about that, is important for me — to remind people that I can see the wonderful things my parents have done, and the complexity that comes from being a first-generation immigrant and raising a child while carrying your own traumas.”
Her message to others
Amara’s journey has brought her to a place of peace and purpose. “Finding that balance between being the child of that, but not continuing those cycles — just knowing that those circumstances don’t have to define who you are.”
Her message is simple but powerful. “It’s okay to ask for help. To tell someone external. To know that you’re worthy of love, that you can heal, that you can find peace — that there is hope.”