Kim story includes themes of dealing with grief and responsibility. “I thought I was a strong, independent woman — but I actually needed help.”
A sudden disappearance
Kim remembers the moment everything changed. “One day when I was in high school, my mom was just telling us that she couldn’t reach my dad anymore. I was maybe 15 at that time, on my last year of high school. Of course, it was shocking — just a lot of emotions and confusion. Mostly like, why is this going on? What is happening?”
Her mum was already working hard to provide for their family, but her dad’s absence left a huge hole. “My mom was also working, but without my dad, that’s a huge problem for us. Since there’s four of us, we’re all going to school, so it was a big worry for her — what’s going to happen to us without the support?”
Growing up in silence
Talking about family problems wasn’t part of Kim’s upbringing. “It’s part of our culture not to talk about these things. Especially for my family, if there are issues, there’s always the big question — why is this happening to us?”
Those unanswered questions shaped her self-beliefs. “Growing up, I think like being an adult, it’s difficult because sometimes I would think like, am I not enough? Those self-beliefs in my head I created from that experience — I didn’t realise that until I did my therapy.”
When everything changed
The separation didn’t just affect emotions — it changed daily life. “The routine changed a lot. I think this separation mostly affected our finances. There was this expectation that things will get more difficult for us.”
She placed the blame squarely on her father. “I was blaming it on my dad. For the most part, we were going through this difficulty because of him, so I was putting all that blame on him.”
Over time, hardship turned into strength. “The more difficulties we encountered, the bigger the growth.”
Stepping up for her family
As the eldest, Kim took on a huge sense of responsibility. “I had to step up because of what was going on and seeing my mom suffer, seeing my siblings suffer. I was also suffering. I think at one point I just had to look for a job — a good job — so that I could support myself and my family. That was a huge leap of role.”
She became the caretaker for everyone else.“Yeah, so I’m basically monitoring everyone in the family.”
Feeling the loss and longing
Kim often compared her life to others. “When my friends talk about having a dad and a mom and having that close relationship with them, I feel jealous. I just think, ‘Oh, I wish I had that too.’”
The absence of her father shaped how she viewed love and attachment. “I actually have abandonment issues in my relationships. It manifests — I am always anxious of that person leaving me, always trying my best so that the relationship will not fail like my parents’ relationship.”
Holding it all in
Kim became known as the strong one — but it came at a cost. “I’ve become a strong person, although the downside of it was I kept it all in. I had to be strong for my siblings. I had to be strong for my mom, especially when she passed away. I had to be strong for the family because she was our foundation.”
She didn’t realise until years later how much she was carrying. “I was not able to process all these emotions that I had — the anger, the grief, all these emotions — until I was an adult, in my 30s. It was difficult.”
“I thought I was a strong, independent woman, but I actually needed help. It was a lot for a teenager — it’s okay to ask for help.”
Learning to process and heal
Over time, Kim learned that ignoring pain doesn’t make it go away. “For the longest time, I just kept it all in — all those expectations that I set for myself, like I will eventually forget all about this, I will eventually be okay. That’s not true.”
She now understands the importance of taking time to heal. “It manifested in my relationships, in my behaviour, and so it’s important to process all these things — all the emotions that you’re experiencing — and give yourself that time and space.”
Her final message is simple and powerful. “It’s okay to ask for help.”