Anthony reflects on the impact of his parents’ separation. “Just because you come from a broken home doesn’t mean that a broken home has to come from you.”
Dealing with abandonment and guilt
Anthony’s parents divorced a year ago, but the impact goes much deeper. “My parents have been divorced for like, a year — a year today, in fact — but for most of my life, I was raised by my mum. I often felt isolated because I’d go to primary school and see everyone else had dads with them.” When his mum told him they were separating, he felt angry at both parents. “I felt like my dad kind of abandoned me. I thought you gave up on the marriage. You gave up on me.”
Like many children of separation, he turned the blame inward. “I often blamed myself for the separation… maybe if I was a better son, maybe if I was more successful, their marriage wouldn’t have broken up. Obviously it’s not my fault — that’s their business. I’m just a product of that.”
Trying to hold it all together
As the eldest, Anthony tried to keep the peace and hold things together. “I had that responsibility of trying to maintain the peace, like telling people, oh, we’re cool, but obviously I knew that we weren’t cool.” It took a toll on him mentally and emotionally.
“It didn’t feel healthy for me. It just felt like I was carrying a lot of toxic stuff… it led to a lot of mental stress, mental distress, a lot of crying. I had to create this figure of being masculine.”
Hiding feelings instead of expressing them
Growing up, Anthony felt pressure not to talk about how he felt. “I’m a man, I’m a black man. So for me, even talking about my problems — I didn’t grow up in an environment where we could talk about how I feel. I’ve always had to bury my feelings.”
Over time, that silence turned into pain, which he took out on those around him. “My feelings became so much that it did lead to a lot of problems for me… anger and emotional outbursts. I’d just get angry for no reason.”
Finding strength through connection
One day, being around friends gave him unexpected relief. “When my parents were having this proper divorce argument, I went out to watch football for the Euros. My friends had no idea what I was going through at home, but just being around them, I felt so much better — leaps and bounds better than the day before.” He realised that connection and openness made a difference.
Discovering the beauty in forgiveness
As Anthony’s grown older, his perspective has shifted. “I realised that my dad is a human being. He’s not perfect, and my dad probably regrets what’s happened, 100%, but it’s too late — it’s done.”
Holding on to anger only hurts yourself, he’s learned. “Holding on to certain emotions for so long only kills the spirit. Forgiveness is beautiful. Once you understand that it’s not for them, but for you, and you let go of it — that’s freedom.”
Anthony’s message to other young people
“To any young person that’s watching this — you probably feel like it’s your fault. It’s not your fault.” He encourages others to focus on their own growth.
“Take care of your mind. Do what makes you happy — travel, shop, go to the gym, do something. Don’t let your parents’ marriage halt your life. Keep going.” He adds, “We’re not Superman. We’re human beings, and you’re allowed to feel it when you feel it. Let it out.” And his final reflection: “Just because you come from a broken home doesn’t mean that a broken home has to come from you. You get to change that. You get to learn from that.”