Chloe describes how she overcame emotional abuse and has been able to redefine what healthy love looks like. “Anything that squashes who you are or what you believe or what you think to be right is automatically toxic.”
Facing emotional abuse and family conflict
Chloe had sensed for a long time that things at home weren’t right. “My parents together hadn’t been good for a good while. It turns out, well, we’ve now got the titles of my dad as a covert narcissist, so growing up, yeah, experiencing emotional abuse, emotional manipulation, those sorts of things.”
When her mum finally decided to leave, Chloe understood why. “My mum understandably had had enough, so they decided to get divorced as the best way forward.”
Coping with shock and change
Even though she’d seen it coming, reality hit hard. “I’d noticed that things weren’t good, that our family wasn’t how normal families were, that my dad wasn’t how I wanted him to be, but it was still a shock. I wasn’t prepared for how quick it turned around. I thought they would have spent more years umming and ahhing about what to do.”
She knew it was the right decision, but that didn’t make it easier. “Whilst I knew it was the best thing for all of us, it was a big shock, and I was, yeah, really upset. I was like, my whole world’s gonna change.”
Taking on too much responsibility
As the eldest of three daughters, Chloe found herself stepping into an adult role. “I’ve always had that kind of older sister wanting to look out for my little sisters thing, but during the period of divorce, I was expected or asked to step into more of a parenting role by both of my parents, but primarily my dad.”
It wasn’t just emotional pressure — even the home dynamic became unsettling. “The decision my parents came to was to have the days that were our time to see my dad be for him to come into the family home and my mum to either go off somewhere else for the day or be at the bottom of the garden. It did feel quite like parents clocking in for shifts, which was rather strange. It also meant that home didn’t fully feel like a safe place.”
Losing the dad she thought she had
Through the divorce, Chloe’s idea of her father began to change. “I feel like over the divorce, I’ve been slowly losing the concept of the dad I thought I had, or the dad I thought I should have, and realising I’m never going to get the dad that I want.”
That realisation was painful — but it also pushed her to find strength in herself. “I felt I had to be the brave face, the glue holding my family together. I literally had to teach myself to give myself space to feel my feelings, to let it out occasionally, because I wouldn’t realise how much I was carrying until something would set me over the edge.”
Learning boundaries and self-care
Over time, Chloe began to prioritise her own wellbeing. “I’ve learned to prioritise myself and how I’m feeling a lot more, and learning to set boundaries — as difficult as that is, especially not having grown up with the practice of it.”
Setting boundaries with her parents is still a challenge. “I still find it difficult to set those boundaries with my dad and with my mum actually. But because I’ve seen how bad it can get when you don’t, that’s mostly what motivates me to put in the effort and to still try and stand up for myself.”
Redefining what healthy love looks like
Chloe’s experience has reshaped how she views relationships. “Anything that squashes who you are or what you believe or what you think to be right is automatically toxic. It doesn’t matter — you can have disagreements, you can have different views, that’s completely fine — but a healthy relationship will encourage you to have a different opinion and try to see your side of things.”
Now, life feels calmer. “Things are already more settled than they were, and yeah, I’m definitely in a better place within myself.”
Her message to anyone dealing with abuse or family trauma
Chloe’s advice comes from experience and self-growth. “For anyone, especially who’s been dealing with abusive parents — emotionally, physically, financially, whatever it is — it’s not a reflection of you. There is life beyond it. It’s going to be a process to get through that and to process it, and lots of work to even undo the things that have been placed in your brain.”
“But trust your gut. You know what is okay for you and what isn’t. No one’s making the decisions for you. You can change your mind as you go along. Just look after yourself.”