What do you do when you’re feeling like the parent with your Mum and Dad? Zara speaks about being her Mum’s sidekick after her parents separated. “Even though this really bad thing has occurred, there’s so much positivity around it — you can turn something negative into light.”
Growing up too soon
Zara’s parents divorced when she was six. “I had to grow up pretty quickly when my dad sort of left, so I was definitely like my mum’s sidekick — two mums running the household, almost.”
That early responsibility made her feel older than her years. “I felt grown up for a lot longer than I actually am. I really struggled in school because I was this mature child. All my friends had these normal lives, and I was like, ‘Oh no, I make my own lunches at six. I clean up the kitchen. I vacuum.’”
Losing her childhood
The real emotional impact came later. “I saw the effects when I was actually in high school — when my mum remarried. That’s when it started to actually hurt me. I thought, ‘My gosh, I don’t have to be this adult anymore that my mum needed previously.’”
Letting go of that role was harder than she expected. “I struggled to realise that I was a child. My mum always says, ‘Fake it till you make it,’ but it’s like you have that mask on. Especially as a child, you’re more prone to being embarrassed about your lifestyle.”
The silence at home
Talking about family issues wasn’t easy. “There were several people in my year group experiencing the same things, but we were taught, ‘What happens at home, stays at home.’”
By 15, the pressure became too much. “I saw a psychologist for the first time because it really had just hurt me so much. Talking to her and understanding my emotions and behaviours really helped.”
Finding release through writing and sport
Zara’s outlets became vital for coping. “My outlet as a child was sports — I was always doing netball, running. And I also grew up journaling, so that was a really big thing for me. I still write. Even if it’s just in my notes app, words are such a powerful thing for me.”
Behind the tough exterior, she was hiding her pain. “As a kid, I was definitely acting like I was this tough human that was unbreakable. But I think if I had spoken sooner — actually spoken to my mum — maybe we could have connected on a different level.”
She now sees that her silence came from empathy. “I felt bad because I knew what she was going through. She was having to figure out her own journey.”
Feeling left behind
When her mum remarried, Zara’s emotions resurfaced. “There was such a disconnect. I felt a bit hurt and ditched to the side, like, ‘Oh well, she’s found someone now. She’s fine — but I’m not.’”
That feeling of being left behind taught her the importance of communication. “It’s really important to speak to the ones that have actually gone through it as well.”
Finding connection in Your Direction
Joining Your Direction gave Zara the space to open up. “When I signed up to Your Direction, it was honestly just to continue to get that support and hear from other people — how they’re handling their own things.”
The community helped her shift perspective. “Your Direction really prompted me to talk about what we appreciate — the positive side of things. Even though this really bad thing has occurred, there’s so much positivity around it.”
The danger of bottling things up
Zara knows what happens when emotions stay buried. “The worst thing you can do is put yourself away in a cupboard and not revisit those feelings. I did that, and they resurfaced years later.”
She’s learned that healing can take time. “Accept that that might be the way for you — but work on it later down the track. The more you bottle it down, the longer you’ll prolong it. You can’t keep it all in.”
Moving forward with self-awareness
Today, Zara feels grounded and self-aware. “I’m really lucky because I’ve worked on myself and my relationships for so long. I’ve been able to accept that this was something that occurred in my life — and now I ask, how can I apply it to better myself, and better my relationships?”