Divorce is rough. When parents split, they make choices that can totally shake up your life. Even if they try to put you first, it’s almost impossible not to feel hurt along the way. It’s normal to feel angry, sad, or just totally confused.
So… what do you do with all that pain? Should you forgive them? Can you? And—here’s the big question—does it actually help?
Why Forgive at All?
If someone hurts you, it feels unfair to just say: “Yeah, you broke my heart, messed up my world, but hey, no worries!”
Like… what?!
If someone stole your bag, you’d want them to return it and apologise, right? That’s justice. But relationships don’t work like that. When families break up, you can’t just return things to how they were before.
Instead, you end up carrying all that pain like a giant backpack full of heavy bricks. Every fight, every broken promise just adds more weight. Before you know it, you’re exhausted from lugging it all around.
Here’s the surprising part: loads of studies show that forgiveness is like dropping that backpack. It doesn’t mean you forget what happened—it just means you’re not dragging around all those bad feelings anymore. And that can make you feel lighter, freer, even healthier.
So… What Isn’t Forgiveness?
Forgiveness Isn’t What You Think. Some people get forgiveness twisted. It’s not about:
- Saying what happened was “fine” (It wasn’t)
- Letting people escape consequences (But you don’t have to deliver the consequences)
- Opening yourself up to being hurt again (putting boundaries in place to protect you may be essential)
- Keeping the relationship if you don’t want to (this may be a boundary you choose, even if it’s just for a while)
- Forcing the other person to change or apologise (sadly we can’t make anyone change)
- Forgetting what happened. (You won’t. But the memory won’t sting the same way forever.)
Then What Is Forgiveness?
It’s basically two things:
- A choice – deciding not to hold what they did against them anymore.
- An action – not looking for ways to get back at them.
Sounds simple, but yeah—it can be super hard, especially if someone never says sorry or keeps messing up. But it is possible.
What’s the Point?
When you forgive, you set yourself free. You stop being tied to the pain. The scar stays, but the raw wound heals.
It’s 100% your choice. No one can pressure you into forgiving and you don’t have to do it (it’s just that the baggage stays with you). You don’t have to do it all at once, maybe start small—try forgiving something minor and see how it feels.
Real Stories
We interviewed young people about the decision to forgive, the process and asked them if it helped. Here are some of the things they said:
“Forgiving my dad, I can genuinely say, had more positive effects on me, on myself, and my outlook in life. And I guess, just getting to that point of being at peace with the whole situation. So it didn’t feel that I was giving him something, even though that’s what forgiveness does. I’m giving you my forgiveness. It felt like I was freeing myself from having to hate him.“ Lauren
“Forgiveness is beautiful man, once you understand that it’s not for them but for you and I let go of it and now me and my dad have a blessed relationship.” Anthony
If you’d like to see more, you can watch the video here
The Bottom Line
Forgiveness isn’t about letting people off the hook. It’s about setting yourself free so the pain doesn’t control you.
You get to decide. And that decision can change everything.